Cracked Out Real Life Conversations

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Me: Do you remember that time I made swiss mushroom burgers? so good

Mom: Not really... but it sounds good

Me: really? it was like last year...

Mom: I'm sorry but I don't measure time in food


mom pwnage

[Saja]

hahahah..this just in. This is the same crazy neighbor who gave me those wise words about becoming a nun. FYI, Raymond is another one of my neighbors who got into a car accident a few months ago and got one of his legs amputated.

While my crazy neighbor was wearing a mink coat and straw hat in JUNE:

Neighbor: So you're single, huh.
Me: Yup.
Neighbor: You know Raymond over there is single too *points to his house* but he's only got one leg.
Me: *wth do I say to that...so I had a weird look on my face*
Neighbor: But that's okay. You Arabs invented the kama sutra, so I'm sure you'll be able to get around that.
Me: *obviously embarassed and too uncomfortable to correct her...but laughing*
Neighbor: Ohhhhh....I see. No hanky panky yet.

Now that the weather is warmer, she's going to be chilling on her porch every day, which means more random conversations with her everytime I leave my house. Hahahah. She's hilarious.

[sally]

me eating a yummy bowl of chicken tikka salad i made.

my brother: baji, stop eating so healthy. youre gonna disappear. and then no one is gonna notice you or pay attention to you.
*pause*
wait, no one really notices or pays attention to you anyway

[sixpakistan]

this isn't so much a conversation so much as a description of one:

we're at a desi restaurant. me, my brother in law, my cousin, and my little brother are all at one table. the owner (a big sardar) is chatting with us after our meal, and he's speaking in urdu. my bro in law and cousin are from kenya (actually, theyre brothers), so their urdu is fluent & they're talking back and forth. i'm not that comfortable with conversational urdu (i always mix up tenses and genders), so i'm limiting my responses to simple sentences. my brother doesn't speak urdu at all (though he understands basic words/sentences), so he's quiet or just nodding his head or whatever.

then at some point, the guy turns to my brother and asks him some question (something like if he wanted another lassi, or if the food was good, i don't remember).

my brother's response: "si"
(guy happens to leave at that point)
me: did you just say "si"
my brother: "no"
me: yes you did
my brother: "err ok maybe i did"

we all burst out laughing. now that is SERIOUSLY ABCD.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by sally

me eating a yummy bowl of chicken tikka salad i made.

my brother: baji, stop eating so healthy. youre gonna disappear. and then no one is gonna notice you or pay attention to you.
*pause*
wait, no one really notices or pays attention to you anyway

Ohhhhh. You took that from him? I kid. My little bro's the same way. They're just brats at that age.


Who said I can't make racist jokes? This was my attempt:

Me and my (Arab) friend are standing around and our white friend is walking towards us eating a cookie.

Arab man goes like "Oh, I want a cookie!" (he's always hungry).
White girl's like "It's a cracker" (she's kinda into healthy eating and all that).
I'm like "You're a cracker."
Then they just both look at me like .

[nooni]

At my surgery rotations with the doctor about to enter the operating room

*right before door is opened*

Dr. X:so u said ur from Algeria, right?
me: yes (wondering why hes asking me this)
Dr. X: and what does your name mean in arabic
me: wise and intelligent
Dr. X: ok

opens operating room to proceed inside

Dr.X : Dr. Y, I have a student here with me, her name is Nouha, the wise and intelligent one and she just got here from Algeria
me:

[sumiyia]

^ hahahahahaha...

[HijabiPrincezz]

my 7 year old brother: "baji when are u getting married?"
me: i dont know. why?
brother: *thinks a bit* can u get married tommorrow?
me: uhm, why?
brother: because i want your new room. and mom and dad said i can have it when you get married.

[Ilikemyscarf]

Originally Posted by ShotgunMessiah

Me, reading to a friend: Check this article out. "We all know the Earth is surrounded by a magnetic field that sheilds us from most of the sun's radiation. What you might not know is that the magnetic poles we call north and south have a nasty habit of swapping places every 750,000 years or so - and right now we're about 30,000 years overdue. Scientists have noted that the poles are drifting apart roughly 20-30kms each year, much faster than ever before, which points to a pole-shift being right around the corner. While the pole shift is underway, the magnetic field is disrupted and will eventually disappear, sometimes for up to 100 years. The result is enough UV outdoors to crisp your skin in seconds, killing everything it touches."

Friend: Then we shall fight in the shade.

AAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

[shadha]

Mom: Well, is he gay?
Me: That's the thing. No one knows for sure if [my] boss is gay or not. Some days it's like, oh yeah totally and others you're left thinking, naaah.
Sister: Why don't you ask to look at his drivers license?
Mom & I: Why? What would that do?
Sister: So you can see if he's gay or not.
Mom & I: What?
Sister: You know, it shows if you're straight, gay or bisexual.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
Mom: Oh my god
Sister: Oh it doesn't? I thought it did. Like, it has a section where it says that.
Mom & I:


shadha-

[Timbit]

Imagine if that were the case. Cops would have even more reason to discriminate against people. "Driving while gay"...

Damn pigs.

[vegetables]

me: that pot is too small to boil rice in
bro: then change it
me: you're the one making it
bro: then let me worry about it
me: are you retarded, im telling you how to do it properly
bro: wanna fight about it?
*exchange of punches*
<mom comes home>
mom: WHO BOILS RICE IN THIS POT??

[vanillawafer]

Girl 1: You weren't in school yesterday. how come?

Girl 2: I got married.

Girl 1: what?!?

Girl 2: yea. over the phone.

(the guy isn't even in the same country)
...

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Me to co-worker: You're so superficial, all you care about is looks

Co-worker 1: Well I don't want an ugly boyfriend. Who wants an ugly boyfriend? *to other co-worker* Would you want an ugly boyfriend?

Co-worker 2: Sure. I don't mind ugly guys. If he buys me a nice house and car I don't mind if he's ugly.

Co-worker 1: Well how are you supposed to kiss him if he's ugly?

Co-worker 2: Close your eyes and pretend it's brad pitt.

Me: I like the way you think

[Ilikemyscarf]

At wal-mart the other day..

me: where can I find a bookshelf?
weird employee guy: *stares at me* bookshelf?
me: yeah, I need a bookshelf for my room
weird employee guy: :speaks another language:
me: *blank stare:
weird employee guy: you speak Arabic?
me: *in my head, that was Arabic? * uh no, I don't speak Arabic.
weird employee guy: oh I thought you were from my country.
me: where are you from?
weird employee guy: i'm from Egypt. I thought you spoke Arabic since you wear the *indicates hijab*
me: uh no, I'm from India.
weird employee guy says something about finding the bookshelf is some part of the store and tries to prolong the conversation.
me: ok thanks *starts to walk away: