Cracked Out Real Life Conversations

[sumiyia]

^ hahahahaha zakk... hilarious

... when i was younger, i was told i looked like a teletubbie... by my husband.

[muslimahpower]

4 year old cousin singing...
"mawla ya sallllli wa salimm *butchers some arabic*...NAHI! mauja maujaaaaaaaaaa "
me:

mamoo: unko bolo ke aapne cake kaya hain (tell them you ate cake)
same little cousin: meine happy birthday kaya! (i ate happy birthday)

[sally]

Originally Posted by sally

nondesi/muslim person: sooo, what's with your parents wanting you to get settled/married while you're so young

me: well, it's pretty embarassing to be honest

person: try me

me: okay, well you see..i'm not white...i'm brown. i hail from a disease ridden heritage. our life expectancy is really really low. all my parents want for me is to experience life to the fullest before i um, you know..die....

person: wow, really? i never knew that.

me: yeah you should totally google it to find out more. it's kinda taboo to discuss it outloud.

the above was in an attempt to shut said person up. i thought of telling them i was playing later tho

but i forgot sooooooooooooo...today:

person: HEY! i googled that taboo thing you told me about..

me: you what?!

person: you knoooow. that tabooo thing. *looks around* hey, is it okay to talk about this here? your scarf people aren't too far from us.

me: yeah it's cool. just keep your voice lowered. also those scarf people, i dont really know them.

person: oh ok. so anyway i didnt find much. is there like a specific tribe you come from or something?

me: i have to say, i can't believe you're majoring in anthropology.

person: why?

me: cuz i mostly made all that up yesterday...

person: but isn't malaria pretty common in africa still?

me: i'm not african..i said i'm brown people. your memory sucks too.

[shadha]

lmao @ zakk


shadha-

[RestlessSoul]

tech: Sir, do you have any allergies?

old, gruff polish gentleman: YEAH! women!

[Timbit]

Me to my friend: Where's your hat?
Him: Real men don't need hats.

It was freezing cold and we were outside for two to three hours. I kept trying to convince him to buy a hat and wear it, since his ears were really red. We passed a gazillion shops which had their winterwear out for display, but he refused.

Me to my other friend: Where're your gloves?
Him: Gloves are bidaah. The Prophet didn't wear them.

Boys.

Neither of them had adequate winter shoes either. They drive most places though, so I guess it's okay?

My dad also does the same thing. Our other friend didn't have a jacket. He was wearing only a sweater, which he insisted was a jacket.

I guess it's a guy thing to want to tough it out in the cold? Crazy.
To me, they kept going "Are you warm enough?" I wear boots, gloves, a proper winter jacket, layers, and a warm hijab.

EDIT: Zakk: Oh my God. Must spread rep.
Teletubbies are cute though. Awwwww... Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po. No fainting at Tinky-Winky though...

[Timbit]

Sometimes my mom makes something and lies to us about what it is, thinking we won't know the difference.

For example, she makes palak and tells my big brother it's saag, because he doesn't eat palak. It's all green and mushy, so what's the difference, right?

With me, it's sheljum... she tells me they're kaddu. They can look the same when cooked.

[Purple_alien]

At work today, this man was walking with his two children.
Kid #1: OOOh daddy, Monkey cookie jars.
Daddy: We already have a cookie jar.
Kid #1: Yeah, but it's not a monkey.
Kid #2: We have a cookie Jar?

[zakk]

Me: what's the capitol of California?

Haneef: Sacramento!!!!

Me: What's the capitol of Maine?

Haneef: Augusta!!!!!!

Me: What's the capitol of New Mexico?

Haneef: Santa Fe!!!!

Me; What's the capitol of Hawaii?

Haneef: HOLA LADDOO!!!!!!!!!!

[Timbit]

Zakk, where'd he come up with that?

Reminds me of my 5-year-old cousin asking her mom why she never brings home laddoo for her. And my aunt, instead of doing the reasonable thing and saying "Okay sweetheart, next time I go grocery shopping, I'll stop by the mithai shop and get some laddoo for you" went like "Well, you know when you can eat laddoo? At somebody's engagement."

And my cousin was all "What's an engagement?" and my aunt explained it (it's when you announce who's going to marry who) and said only older kids get engaged. So then the kid asks "Like you and Papa?" and my aunt was like "No, we're already married. We ate laddoo at our engagement."

Anyway, it went on like that for some time... with her finally determining that the next people to get engaged will be her oldest cousins (my big brother and me... ) but even that won't be happening for some time for engagements only happen after you're done "dher sara" (lots of) school and you graduate and get a job.

And so my cousin started whining because "When am I going to get to eat laddoo if nobody's going to get engaged?" And then my aunt was like "Well, there is one other occasion... if somebody has a baby!" My grandma and I were just listening to the whole thing like "My God, child, we'll buy you some laddoo from the mithai shop."

[arabookworm]

my little brother who just turned four was playing with a little sudanese girl at the masjid last summer, and she started poking him. I was watching them,and after a while when he got bored of being poked he came up to me and goes "Marwa, the little brown baby's annoying me!"

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by arabookworm

my little brother who just turned four was playing with a little sudanese girl at the masjid last summer, and she started poking him. I was watching them,and after a while when he got bored of being poked he came up to me and goes "Marwa, the little brown baby's annoying me!"

Well, he's just describing her.

My brother did something similar when he saw my cousin the other day. My aunt had braided her hair into little cornrows and he was like "Yumna looks black!"


Me opening my mail: Huh? What is this?
My mom: What is it?
Me: I dunno, Mom. Something called a T4. God knows what that is... some kind of junk mail. I'm just gonna throw it away *makes motion to rip it up*
Both my parents and my big brother ALL at the same time: Don't! Keep that! It's a T4; it's important! You're going to have to file your taxes! How do you not know what a T4 is?
Me: Relax, people. I know what a T4 is!

I like freaking my parents out sometimes.

[zakk]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Zakk, where'd he come up with that?

:

Well, I guess Honolulu sounds like Hola Laddoo to him.


And you scared me.... I was like, I've never heard of a T-4!!!! I've been screwing up my taxes all these years!!!!!

And then I'm like, arrrghhhh stupid canadians.

[Timbit]

You're crazy. I don't screw up my taxes 'cause my dad's accountant files them. I just collect all the stuff that comes in the mail and give it to him when he asks for it.

Okay, today I went to visit my grandma and she asked me when I'm going to graduate. She was all "Is it next year or the year after?" And I was all like "Next year... " so sure that she's gonna mention marriage.

Then she goes "Are you going to go to teacher's college after?" And I was like "I dunno yet."

Then she goes "Oh, okay. 'Cause I'm thinking you should go back home and establish a school there to teach kids English. If you want to be a teacher, they need English-speaking teachers in the pind and the girls especially need a high school."

And I was like "Awwww"... what a good idea. My grandma is awesome. She used to work as a nurse in our pind.

[Timbit]

I told my big brother and he said that her idea is about marriage after all. It's just a ruse, he said, to get me to go to Pakistan so as to be able to better pressure me into an arranged marriage. And that he doesn't know about me, but he's going to be avoiding any suggested trips to Pakistan. He's hilarious.