Is this rude?....

[IrishMuslimah]

Today, my roommate cooked shwarma and invited some of his friends from Saudi over for lunch. Me, my hubby, my roommate and two other Saudis were all sitting around eating and they didnt speak a word of English the entire time. All of them are capable of speaking very comfortable conversational English but there wasnt a single word spoken in English the entire time.

In America, if there are 4 Americans and 1....idk...Mexican girl at the table and all 4 of the Americans have Spanish speaking skills and the Mexican girl cannot speak English, it would be very rude for the Americans to only speak English and leave that girl out. The proper thing to do would be to speak Spanish so the Mexican girl can at least participate if she wants to. Them only speaking Arabic the entire time told me that, basically, I was not invited to join into their conversation at all. I even playfully said "What, no englisie? You guys are going to leave me out?" and they laughed and then went right back to speaking Arabic.

Ive confronted my husband about this numerous times but I dont think he really understands my frustration. Its not necessarily that I WANT to join the convo, its having the choice to do it or not. Not to mention, while they're sitting around speaking Arabic, we also have our Arabic channels on tv playing too! Nothing whatsoever for the English speaker in the house to do.

The other thing that drives me insane is that I do have basic Arabic skills. I have a vocabulary of over 200-300 words easily but they are all random words that I either hear my husband say often on the phone, say in prayer, or that I hear often around me. So, while I have a pretty good vocabulary for someone who has never taken lessons, I dont have the skills to carry on a conversation past introductions and how-are-you's...Everyone knows this. I sit and introduce myself to the Arabs at the hookah lounge everytime my husband and I go there. They also know that I am Muslim, yet NONE of them say "salaam alaikum" to me. They always say "hey Meghan. How are you" and it gets a little irritating that they will go all around the room "salaaming" everyone but once they get to me, its a "hey."

so my questions are:
1) is it rude of them to sit around only speaking Arabic knowing that there is one person at the table with no one else to talk to?
2) is it rude that they dont say "salaam" to me even though they know that I know what it means and they know I am Muslim

[thejellymill]

IrishMuslimah said

1) is it rude of them to sit around only speaking Arabic knowing that there is one person at the table with no one else to talk to?

yes that is incredibly rude. I had a best friend who came straight from Yemen. she was great and i loved her, and after being friends for a few months she began inviting me to get-togethers and picnics with her and some other arab friends. the entire time all they did was speak in arabic. at times there were even 20 or 25 arab women present and not one of them spoke in english.

i felt left out and sad, but i was young and stupid at the time so i just put up with it and played along. once i wizened up a little alh, i dropped that girl like a hot potato and made new, more considerate friends.

2) is it rude that they dont say "salaam" to me even though they know that I know what it means and they know I am Muslim

yea you're a muslim, of course they should greet you the same. if they don't say salaam, say it to them first and see what happens.

[Rain]

1) Yes
2) Yes

don't hang out with them if you can help it.

[IrishMuslimah]

well, I think when they leave, im going to ask my roommate and my husband in person to speak English with them and, even if they start speaking Arabic back to them, to answer in English to make sure that its understood that English should be spoken when there is somene at home who cannot join in.

right now, they are just sitting on my floor eating and speaking Arabic really loudly and watching Arabic football and im chilling on the couch talking to you guys. Im not irritated anymore because now I have something to do but, man, that was a really boring lunch.

Rain said

1) Yes
2) Yes

don't hang out with them if you can help it.

nah, they are my roommate and husbands friends. Not mine. But when they come over, my choices are to either sit and listen to them speak Arabic, leave and go somewhere, or go sit in my bedroom.

[mekrob]

I'd definitely say that it's rude to speak only in Arabic around you especially when you've already told them that you're feeling left out.

About not getting salaams, I've never had that problem. I was joking with a friend the other day about that actually. He was asking if, because I'm white, do people ever just speak English and not say salaams to me. I've never really had a problem with it once people know that I'm Muslim (which isn't so obvious given my appearance). Then, a friend of theirs came up who I hadn't met and he was saying salaams to everyone. When he got to me, I did the whitest "hi, how are ya?" I could do. He replied in a similar fashion. cracked us up. Not that I don't stereotype white people. Who would guess that a guy named Marmaduke Pickthall would be Muslim?!?

[IrishMuslimah]

mekrob said

I'd definitely say that it's rude to speak only in Arabic around you especially when you've already told them that you're feeling left out.

About not getting salaams, I've never had that problem. I was joking with a friend the other day about that actually. He was asking if, because I'm white, do people ever just speak English and not say salaams to me. I've never really had a problem with it once people know that I'm Muslim (which isn't so obvious given my appearance). Then, a friend of theirs came up who I hadn't met and he was saying salaams to everyone. When he got to me, I did the whitest "hi, how are ya?" I could do. He replied in a similar fashion. cracked us up. Not that I don't stereotype white people. Who would guess that a guy named Marmaduke Pickthall would be Muslim?!?

I'd definitely say that it's rude to speak only in Arabic around you especially when you've already told them that you're feeling left out.

About not getting salaams, I've never had that problem. I was joking with a friend the other day about that actually. He was asking if, because I'm white, do people ever just speak English and not say salaams to me. I've never really had a problem with it once people know that I'm Muslim (which isn't so obvious given my appearance). Then, a friend of theirs came up who I hadn't met and he was saying salaams to everyone. When he got to me, I did the whitest "hi, how are ya?" I could do. He replied in a similar fashion. cracked us up. Not that I don't stereotype white people. Who would guess that a guy named Marmaduke Pickthall would be Muslim?!?

I think my hijab gives me away. haha. They can see with their eyes that I am Muslim.

Im just going to say "Salaam" next time they say "hey" to me.

[Jamroll]

Yeah it is a bit rude, but really it shows their lack of class.

[IrishMuslimah]

Jamroll said

Yeah it is a bit rude, but really it shows their lack of class.

lol. Ya know what.. im going to change the channel on them and start watching something in English. They got up and are doing something else anyway.

TWO of us can play this game

[Rain]

If they greet you with "hey", just respond by saying, "as'salamu alaikum." would your husband be unhappy if you stopped joining him with his friends?

waitt, is this all happening right now?

[IrishMuslimah]

Rain said

If they greet you with "hey", just respond by saying, "as'salamu alaikum." would your husband be unhappy if you stopped joining him with his friends?

waitt, is this all happening right now?

lol yes. They're here right now. This is a live show!

and no he wouldnt be unhappy. I dont do things with him and his friends already.

[Kona_Silat]

IrishMuslimah said

...

The other thing that drives me insane is that I do have basic Arabic skills. I have a vocabulary of over 200-300 words easily but they are all random words that I either hear my husband say often on the phone, say in prayer, or that I hear often around me. So, while I have a pretty good vocabulary for someone who has never taken lessons, I dont have the skills to carry on a conversation past introductions and how-are-you's...Everyone knows this. I sit and introduce myself to the Arabs at the hookah lounge everytime my husband and I go there. They also know that I am Muslim, yet NONE of them say "salaam alaikum" to me. They always say "hey Meghan. How are you" and it gets a little irritating that they will go all around the room "salaaming" everyone but once they get to me, its a "hey."

so my questions are:
1) is it rude of them to sit around only speaking Arabic knowing that there is one person at the table with no one else to talk to?
2) is it rude that they dont say "salaam" to me even though they know that I know what it means and they know I am Muslim

Welll I think it might be a cultural thing.. i don't know.. maybe they are the religious types that don't believe that women and men should gather at the same place. Or it could be the fact that you are married woman and feel that it is rude to speak to another man's woman. Also if you are the only female in the gathering, chances are .. its a man's only moment/gathering... so you need to get some female muslim friends or something.

[zzze]

Responding to their 'hey' with a 'salam' is a great idea. If that doesn't work, say 'I'm Muslim, you're Muslim...why don't you greet me the Muslim way?'

[IrishMuslimah]

Kona_Silat said

Welll I think it might be a cultural thing.. i don't know.. maybe they are the religious types that don't believe that women and men should gather at the same place. Or it could be the fact that you are married woman and feel that it is rude to speak to another man's woman. Also if you are the only female in the gathering, chances are .. its a man's only moment/gathering... so you need to get some female muslim friends or something.

well thats ALSO rude considering this is my freakin house. haha. If they want a boys only lunch, they can go eat at THEIR house. I live here.

I could understand the married mans woman thing. If thats the case, then I get it. But again, instead of gathering here, they should gather somewhere else.

[Anderson]

is your room mate a man?

[IrishMuslimah]

now they're sitting on the couch with me and speaking Arabic so loud across the room to my husband who is in the kitchen. I cant even hear my show!

Anderson said

is your room mate a man?

yes. He lives with me and my husband in a 2 story, 3 bedroom condo. Without him, we couldnt afford the rent.