Islamica Community: note to self: people... ugh! - Islamica Community

i have finally reached the conclusion that the reason i refuse to take things personally is because i am not that invested in most people. i keep reminding myself that people are one of the biggest parts of the dunya and hence one of its biggest trials. i don't want to get attached or involved to the extent where their words, actions or even passive-aggression effects me in a negative way. it makes me sad when mostly good-natured people let other people upset them to the extent where they feel the need to say something back... it can start in the form of expressing a concern to a friend n seeking advice and/or resolution but sometimes it can quickly turn into backbiting and/or cursing the offender. how does it help if it's not going to change the past in any way or make the offender any kinder? sure you get it off your back but not recommended if it can drastically affect your future, your after-life and perhaps even make you harder/bitter. that's why it is repeatedly said to control one's tongue. patience is not easy but so is every other thing that is good. it's not easy to wake up for fajr but we do. not easy to fast but we do. not easy to part with our money, but we do for zakat. it's not easy NOT to get upset with people when they're rude/disrespectful/thoughtless/offensive, and it's okay to be upset, as long as you know how to control your anger. UNLESS you can address it directly with that person in a civil manner, OR discuss the situation with a friend solely with the sincere purpose of seeking a solution (otherwise it might be backbiting) and not calling the offender names while doing so, i say the best way is to make dua that Allah (swt) makes it easier for you and helps you deal with your anger and/or hurt. and make dua that Allah (swt) makes that person kinder and (if it's better for everyone involved) to heal the relationship. if it's a repeat offender, then make dua for him/her, and to save yourself the hassle, keep your distance. if you do cross paths, keep it polite but minimum. but please please don't put yourself in the situation where that person can press your buttons and effect you negatively in any way. i have to keep reminding myself that i am completely responsible for my actions and behavior regardless of what or who triggered it. similarly, i take comfort in the fact that if someone is unkind to me intentionally, then they are responsible and have to answer to Allah (swt). why should i waste my time and the opportunity to be good, to say/do anything bad about/to them? even if they deserve it and asked for it, how can i refrain myself and know to offend them EXACTLY how much they offended me? obviously i won't be satisfied to hurt them less than i was hurt, but if i end up hurting any more than i was hurt, it's transgression. i will have to pay for it with any good i might have done, and if there's no good, i might end up with something bad on that person's behalf. no, thanks! i'd rather keep my distance, control my feelings and move on. plus, it's not like such people have any significance in my world. i know it's a harsh example but sometimes i hear dogs barking n i don't like it cuz it's loud n disturbs my peace. but i don't take it personally. i know better than to go up to the dog n tell it to stop, or to cuss it out while i'm in bed trying to sleep. i remind myself that dogs bark and i am not going to let a barking dog get the best of me. i am going to try my best to never get involved in a doggy-situation, if i can help it, iA. same thing with people who are maliciously unkind, thoughtless and rude. but to be fair, dogs are better in the sense that usually they don't bark out of sheer maliciousness. and hopefully this post is the worst i've got about offensive people, iA. cuz i'm done. no longer invested. and Allah (swt) knows best.