Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatyosayin
Salaams,
Is it normal these days for people to HAVE to get physical with their potential husband/wife before marriage? I have been getting to know someone in the past few weeks, and he keeps trying to get me to get physical with him, even though he knows my values, and how I feel about it. He says he understands, but when I told him I dont think it is right to cuddle and kiss and hold hands before marriage, he replied, "If you think you can justify it to yourself". OF COURSE I can justify it to myself, how can you justify zina to yourself? If you pray regularly, but also commit zina, dont you feel like less of a Muslim? That you are betraying Allah swt and what He decreed for us humans not to succumb to our desires? If a guy really likes a girl, and is interested in her for marriage, would he really make her feel guilty or feel asexual and prudish for not wanting to do anything before marriage? He asked me what I thought about his lips, or if I noticed them. Do guys ask these things to girls who are religious? He also told me that is very understanding of things, but these needs are important to him. What about what is important to Allah swt? It seems like most Muslims these days seem to not consider zina as a sin anymore. Am I overreacting or is this the norm these days?
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You are perfectly right to have reacted as you have and any man who had an ounce of afffection and respect for his future wife would not pressure her into doing anything she did not want to. You should not feel like you have to do ANYTHING you do not feel comfortable or justified in doing, simply for the sake of this person and if he really cared about you it would not be a big issue for him either.
My advice to you is, get rid of him and don't look back. He is going to do nothing for your iman and self-esteem and is only going to drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself. You are better off without him as it sounds like he is only after one thing. The longer you leave it the more it will hurt. Be strong sis, and stand up for what you believe in, and in the future try not to put yourself in a compromising situation again
Good luck.
PS. Plenty of people get happily married without engaging in a physical relationship beforehand - pretty much all of those who are married on this forum, in fact! (and there are quite a few). Don't give up hope.