[Khairan]

Originally Posted by Whatyosayin

Salaams,

Is it normal these days for people to HAVE to get physical with their potential husband/wife before marriage? I have been getting to know someone in the past few weeks, and he keeps trying to get me to get physical with him, even though he knows my values, and how I feel about it. He says he understands, but when I told him I dont think it is right to cuddle and kiss and hold hands before marriage, he replied, "If you think you can justify it to yourself". OF COURSE I can justify it to myself, how can you justify zina to yourself? If you pray regularly, but also commit zina, dont you feel like less of a Muslim? That you are betraying Allah swt and what He decreed for us humans not to succumb to our desires? If a guy really likes a girl, and is interested in her for marriage, would he really make her feel guilty or feel asexual and prudish for not wanting to do anything before marriage? He asked me what I thought about his lips, or if I noticed them. Do guys ask these things to girls who are religious? He also told me that is very understanding of things, but these needs are important to him. What about what is important to Allah swt? It seems like most Muslims these days seem to not consider zina as a sin anymore. Am I overreacting or is this the norm these days?

A couple of things:
1. You are not overreacting.
2. Even if it *was* the "norm," that doesn't mean you have to accept what you think is wrong just to please other people.

A final point, which others have noted above and I will repeat for emphasis: there seems to me to be a fundamental lack of respect here. To me, the biggest issue is not even that the fellow wants to "get physical" with you, but rather that he is trying to convince you to do things you have already stated you're not comfortable with. Even if he doesn't share your values, he should respect that you are working hard to be a good muslim and let you have your boundaries without argument.