[zakk]

You don't "obey" your husband necessarily because you think he is better than you. You do it for the sake of Allah.
An ideal marriage is on where both parties reference their behavior to Allah and not to each other, because quite frankly sometimes you find yourself in a period where both of you make each other angry, and feed off of that, and the only way to get out of that is to remember what the true purpose of marriage, of anything, is - to please Allah.

Similarly, you should not simply seek a wife indoctrinated by culture into obedience just to please yourself. You should seek a wife who understands her duties to Allah within the marriage. Sometimes the cultural definition of obedience is rather ridiculous, which is why there is so much negative reaction to the very word obedience. You want someone who understands Islam, not culture, because what you want imparted to your children is Islam, not culture. And also you need to understand that being a rank above is an automatic designation. It is there whether or not you deserve it. Please strive to deserve the status Allah has given you.

Having authority does not mean that you will not be held accountable if you abuse it.

Also, if you have a certain rank, then you have a certain rank. It always bewilders me when some men, instead of being gracious about it, seek to prove their "elevated" rank by trying to debase a woman. Boggles my mind.