[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by shadha

When you say marriage, sex is inevitable. Would they not consummate their marriage? Why would my husband want to bed a woman who he finds unattractive only because it would boost her moral? And I don't buy that she wouldn't want some. She'll get to thinking that her old ass still got it going on and hence why she was able to marry a younger man, a younger man who already had a wife at that. So no. That's oki. I'll hook the sister up with some hotline numbers and some self-help books.

First of all, as I mentioned before its not all about sex, so stop putting that front and center. It may be the most important thing to you, and that's fine, but its not what this discussion is centered around.

Secondly, its actually not that cut and dry as you're trying to make it out to be. Many people have marriages that are severely lacking in intimacy, and many women just don't have the drive and libido. Others are really so consumed by other factors that they just can't be worked up emotionally enough to actually want any.

Other marriages are marriages of political convenience or of opportunity or of money and public appearance. Think of all the marriages you've seen of blonde bombshells married to some old rich fart in his 80s ... I'm pretty sure as hell they're not heating anything up behind doors. She's just in it to get his money, and he gets to have some nice eye-candy around; or a girl to drape over his arm when he goes to some charity ball or big dinner gala.

And again, sorry, but that's not my problem if she allows the attitudes of others to control her life, especially while she's living in this country.

what the hell?

That doesn't make sense, really. If its the men ... who are refusing to marry her because of various reasons I mentioned above ... then how is that defined as "allowing the attitudes of others to control her life?"

Is she going to force some guy to marry her? Or is she going to pull one outta thin air?

This I can believe. Some are some aren't. However, there are also plenty of divorced with kids guys- why can't she get down with them? Just because she got divorced, doesn't mean she has to immediately jump into the marriage game again.

Yes, she can and should marry a guy who has kids of his own and is divorced. What I was pointing out in additional comments is that such things are easier said than done.

They should fast and continue making dua.

Again, I was talking about situations where its completely different.

Example: Lets say its a guy and he knows a divorcee or widow whose ailing parents were very good friends with his own parents, now deceased. She's got a very full load taking care of her child or children, and her parent[s] at the same time. Because the guy knows them so well because of his own late parents, he wants to help them out, physically and financially. And because we're Muslims, we don't do the whole "dump your parents in a seniors' home and move on" kinda thing. So he helps out those folks as much as he can. If the mahram thing becomes an issue, or if he helps out with the kids as well, in that situation I think it'd just be easier for the guy and the girl and her parents if he became part of the family via marriage.

Again as I mentioned, many marriages are done for sake of political or temporal expediency. This would be one such a case.

Now, are you all still going to be so myopic and near-sighted as to let misguided jealousy blind you or make you upset?

Why can't women move beyond their insecurities and strive to be better than they already are? Its not always about you or even her. Sometimes bigger issues like social stability and final accountability are far more paramount.

I'm curious, if another woman wanted to share panties with you, what would you say?

Its not all about who's in his bed, like I said.

Originally Posted by Variable

So then why not just help her out? why marry her?

Mahram issues.

No offense, but you're not Muslim so you wouldn't understand.

And I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here, but I'll bet there are probably a lot of girls who'd rather take their chances with a fornicator, poor, sinful dude than be number two or three of a rich and powerful pious dude. Or just stay single.

I think there's a lot more girls that would be willing to settle with the rich guy because of the money and stability.