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Originally Posted by shadha
Truthfully and bluntly, I don't understand why men feel that it is a necessity to receive sex in return for giving a widow/divorcee financial support. What is up with this give and take mentality? If she needs financial help, where is the community? Or why can't you give her money with no strings attached? If homegirl needs money and his paycheck can't extend that far, then I would work to help her meet her monthly expenses. She need not be sleeping with my husband.
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Ooooookay.
Calm down. Wow.
Whoever said anything about sex? Plenty of guys are getting plenty from their wife, and if they marry a widow or divorcee then yes, it can be,
and often has been, for altruistic reasons such as providing emotional / moral / financial support. What if she's unattractive, or doesn't want any? Its not always about sex unless women wanna make-believe that it is.
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Moral? Emotional? I would help her find a husband, she need not have mine. Sorry. I don't think my husband marrying her out of sympathy is productive. What would he tell her? Oh I'm just marrying you to boost your self-esteem? Yeah, that's a real self-esteem booster.  If she needs some support, I'll personally gather the community around for her and I'll find her some hotline numbers.
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Cool ... cool, to each their own.
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There is no reason why she can't go out and find a *single* Muslim man to marry.
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Calm down.
There are actually plenty of reasons, and Jammy alluded to one of them. Its starting now already, and it will increase over time: the ratio of women to men.
Another reason why she can't go out and just find some single guy to marry is social stigma - a lot of communities stigmatize divorcees and look down upon them. I know a few like that myself from all across the spectrum - arab, desi, white, malaysian, etc.
Another reasons is that a lot of single guys themselves have the mentality that they don't wanna take care of another man's seed. Personally I think that's a bit of a selfish attitude to have, but reality is, a lot of guys are like that - they're very territorial.
Another reason is that its not advisable for a single, bachelor [previously unmarried] man to marry a divorcee or a widow. Its usually recommended that a man who either is already married or has been previously married himself [and is now a widower or divorced] - such a man should marry a woman who is in the divorcee / widow category because guys who've never been married before shouldn't just jump into marriage with a previously married woman - there are plenty of nuanced dynamics that they haven't been exposed to.
Everything that's been discussed so far leads me to the next question:
If it becomes hard, factual reality that there is an increasing women-men ratio, lets say it becomes 10 women for 1 man in a certain community ... and it doesn't mean 10 eligible women for one eligible bachelor, but like 10 moms / daughters / sisters / cousins / unmarried girls, etc .... essentially if the situation becomes such that unmarried women / divorcees / widows are having a hard time finding men to marry ...
... what are some possible solutions, in your opinions ladies?