Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanbali
I agree with this. Yes, neither man nor wife is superior or inferior in essence or in the eyes of God. Yet, it should be clear--and I think Sister Salika would know this--that the husband has a higher rank of authority than the wife, just like the mother has a higher rank than the son, etc.
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Yes, the husband has a higher "rank" in authority in the shari'a but frankly, I think many of the marriage laws are to, at best, maintain a stable marriage, particularly when there is no love or in troubling times. Marriage is not just legal standards here. It's involving people's feelings. There is love, affection, mercy, and understanding. It's not obligatory for a man to act like he's king of the house. I consult my husband of course but he also consults me. We're partners. In the end I do know that the final decision is his, but he doesn't rub it in my face. And there some thing he's actually deferred to me. Till this day, he refuses to tell me how many children he wants because he wants to leave it up to me because, as he said, he knows I'll be the one carrying them and it's something that I have to put up with the most.
With respect to nikkah contracts and pre-nups, most of it was actually along the lines of what LegalEagle is talking about. Money, aside from mahr, was not even discussed. We wrote down and discussed what we expect from our marriage, how we want to raise our children, and our goals together. I also gave myself the right to Islamically divorce myself (permissible in the Hanafi maddhab, women know your rights!) in certain situations (such as abuse or abandonment) instead of having to wait for him to divorce me or having to resort to going to court or khula'.
And my husband was not offended at all and supported me 110% (his family understandably thought I was a bit weird for putting the right to divorce myself, at that point I offered to take it out because by the time the nikkah rolled around, I trusted him, but he insisted that I leave it in). He really understood where I was coming from (with my parents' history and situations that occurred, like someone we know who lied to his wife about a lot important things coming to marriage and refuses to divorce her) and that I just want to protect myself because none of us really know where we'll be in 20 or 30 years. I saw it from a strictly from a legal standpoint and devoided all emotion from it. I kept telling him how much I hated writing it and I never wanted to look at it again (and I haven't).