[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by Raeesa

can we ask the same to the brothers.. although islamically women own theyre wealth, in british law at least the husband is able to take her a share of her property, wealth and investments. I wonder how many brothers would sign a prenup especially when there are smart, working women out there who r pretty well off..?

Pre-nups aren't absolutely enforceable in English Law. Once again there is *no* such thing as *british* law.

They may be considered as evidence of intentions.

Originally Posted by Hanbali

I like the idea of us ugly nerds marrying hot women. We got the brains/money, they got the trophy wife looks. Perfect balance.

I have a few female friends who I've considered in the past who make a lot more than me. None of those girls are arrogant or obsessed with money. Most of them are desperately unhappy because they have the career but not the family.

My money inshallah will be enough for my family. If the wife wants to work thats up to her....I'm not obsessed with how much more money we'd have if she was working too..

Originally Posted by Hanbali

On a serious and unbiased note, don't you think that women nowadays are disobedient and rebellious to their husbands?

Again, try not to let your opinion be affected by the fact that it is I who asked this.

As for 'rebellious' wives I know several women who are having affairs...money isn't the issue...its the nature of these women...they all have a particular type of mindset

Originally Posted by ShotgunMessiah

I don't think "rebellious" is the correct word to use, necessarily.

I think women nowadays are looking out for themselves more than historically, which I see as a good thing. It makes them less reliant on the husband, and in an era with divorce rates so high they need to be as independant as they can. If they can get a higher education and get a great job, more power to them.

Disobedient wives are one thing... adulterous wives another...

Originally Posted by Jamroll

They are confused and trying to do too much at once. This leads to chaos in their minds. It is not their fault. Don't blame them, help them.

Naughty Step could revolutionise the way we interact with others, because it doesn't punish or demean, but corrects bad behaviour.

hahahahahaha....

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Not you - Jamroll. I know you're being serious.


I think you guys have this idea that women "back home" are all submissive and the ones raised in the West are not. That's not really true - there's a mix of people in both places.

The majority of women 'back home' are more family orientated...'submissive' is your term not mine.

Originally Posted by displaced

really? what are your "kingly" qualities?

let me preface what I'm about to say with this: I don't think a marriage can be 50-50 and am alright with conceding to my husband not because I have to but because each person in a marriage has to compromise for the sake of the comfort of their spouse.

however, I think it's interesting (to put it nicely) that a man assumes he should have an obedient wife. plenty of men are idiots and plenty of women are smarter. does having a penis automatically make you worthy of respect? absolutely not. you, jaysh, are arrogant and your personality doesn't command respect yet you expect it as your birthright.

Plenty of women get turned on by guys who throw their weight around...then get mad because the men continue to do it in the marriage.

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Because it depends on how we define "disobedient". Rather we should talk about the expectations gap.

A girl from back home is going to have a certain mindset. She is going to know what is expected of her in a traditional desi way. If we are expecting our wife to be aware of and accepting of the "tor tareekeh" of desi culture, then this will be favourable to us.
A girl raised over here is likely to be more independent minded. She will not need to be "looked after" as much, you won't have to make every decision for her. Some people would find this more favourable. Also, she is likely to have more in common with you culturally.

It depends on what you're looking for. From what you're saying you're looking for and expecting, I think PhDGirl's suggestion is a good one. Or you could pick a girl who is from the West but is from a lower economic background, or lower level of education than yourself. A well educated woman raised in the West who makes good money from a job, doesn't need a "husband" in the traditional way we might understand a husband. They need and want a companion. So the new husband role changes from provider and law giver, to companion.

You have to decide what you are looking for, and what you are willing to give.

WORD.

My point exactly

Originally Posted by Salika

I wrote my nikkah agreement (hubz asked me to) and it was kind of prenupish but I saw it purely as legal and devoided any emotion. My in-laws kind of took it the wrong way though. Alhamdulillah I probably won't need it though but I figured better safe than sorry. I encouraged him to put whatever he wanted but he didn't

Anyways, husband and wife are not equal in the marriage, but there should be equity. Neither is inherently superior or inferior than the other.

Jaysh
It's a bad idea to view marriage is one of obedience-disobedience. I think once you put a woman in that mindset, she'll actually be more likely to "rebel."

Exactly.

Originally Posted by heba

jaysh, God help the woman who marries you. really, thats like a sincere duaa. poor poor girl

Actually I think jaysh will do quite well.

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

hahahaha

Money [and everything you can buy with it] is transient, and so is this life. If things ever got so bad and she wanted to leave and there was no way I could make her stay, then I'd sit down and give her a very comfortable package. Even if she wanted the house we were living in, I'm the kinda guy who'd probably even shrug and say "sure baby, its yours" - because BIG WOOP I can easily go out and work and get another house. I have absolute confidence in myself and in Allah's Mercy that I'll be able to do that.

I'm a blue personality and I'd rather just be nice and generous if it all came down to a split and leave on good terms rather than having to deal with the bitter acrimony of having to enforce the prenup and maintain a facade.
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A pre-nup isn't just about financial matters. Its about the couple stating what their expectations are.

Trust me during a divorce things can get *really* bitter and money becomes only *one* of several cudgels the parties use to beat each other.

Originally Posted by shadha

Don't get use to me saying this to you- but great post.

Though, a word of warning, in the event of a divorce be careful that she doesn't suck you for all you're worth. My grandfather is in the middle of a divorce [I know, such a HORRIBLE stage in your life to be going through such ] and he shared the same opinion as you do. Why uproot her from the life she has gotten use to? MashaAllah he is very well off, owns a couple houses out on LI, and suggested that everything be split 70-30, in her favor. Unfortunately, greed and malice has overcome her and she wants more. How she can ask for more, is beyond me, but now since she tried to get cut-throat with HIS earnings it's down to 50-50. They aren't Muslim, so it would have been 50-50 [at most] from the getgo but he wanted to be compassionate towards her and end things peacefully but sadly it wasn't mutual.


shadha-

Told ya...

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Yeah, my business partners take care of that.

Snap-back or "shotgun" clauses in the business articles of the corporation ensure that in the likely event of a divorce, all of my shares in the corp. immediately snap back to the corporation for safekeeping in escrow.

That way she can't suck me for all I'm worth - she can take my personal belongings and money in my bank account [if I let her] after a fair bout of talks, but as for my commercial interests, she can't touch those.

Being generous doesn't mean being stupid with your assets, or letting yourself get taken to the cleaners.

You guys have the concept of Equity right ? Because Equity can look beyond the law so that clause may not be as reliable as you've been told

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

But he's a darkie pathan. Now LeagalEagle is gunna come in here and tell me that since he's a brown dude, he isn't a real pathan.

Unless he has a khel he's not a pathan....some of my cousins are chinese, vietnamese, mexican, irish, welsh, english etc...the only *absolute* criteria is that your father must be pathan.