Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger786
I feel like I'm living in hell. This topic comes up frequently and it seems the only way to please my parents is just to say yes and go through with it. They're saying "we won't force you" but that's basically what they are doing. I have been really obedient to my parents my entire life. I never went against them. I guess I deserve this for being so obedient to them...My mother was just saying today "You were so obedient all this time and now you are giving me a really hard time."  |
Sigh. You don't deserve this, certainly not for being obedient.
I wish I could give you a good solution.
It's hard, especially since desi parents do expect obedience and are notoriously good at using emotional blackmail... my dad's line is always "it's up to you", which really means "you know what I want, but if you want to go against that...
". My mom's strategy lately has been to just assume that I agree with her opinion of people, and then I have to see/hear the disappointment when I say "I just don't feel it". And my parents aren't even bad at all, I'm just too easy to guilt-trip.
I've taken a lesson from my younger brothers in trying to recognize when they're pulling that crap and just ignoring it to tackle the issue head on. Now I just say "Look, I gave this person a chance because you asked me to, but it doesn't feel right, and I don't think we could make each other happy." Unfortunately, that means I keep having to speak to people I have no interest in.
I suppose you could pull their tactics on them and say "well, fine, I'll marry this person, but I'm going to be doing it purely for your sake, even though it means sacrificing my own happiness for the rest of my life.
" Hopefully they don't say "OK
".