How many surgeons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One--he/she just holds it up and the world revolves around him/her.
An airplane full of people is buzzing along through the sky and all of a sudden there's some turbulence and one of first class passengers stabs himself in the leg while cutting his porterhouse and blood starts spraying up in to the air.
A levelheaded stewardess picks up the intercom and asks if there's a surgeon on board. A guy a few seats over stands up and approaches the man.
"I'm a surgeon," he says. and starts prepping the man's leg for the procedure. The man is writhing in pain.
The surgeon stops for a moment and says to the stewardess, "I'm gonna need an anesthesiologist."
The stewardess picks up the intercom again and says, "Is there an anesthesiologist on board?"
A moment later a breathless man rushes up and announces, "I'm an anesthesiologist, what can I do to help?"
The surgeon looks at him and says, "Can you adjust that light for me?"
TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IN SURGERY
1 Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9 Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of 'em.
10 What do you mean you want a divorce?
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.
The fourth said " I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
The fifth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangable."
And just for fun...
What do you call it when two blondes hold hands?
A synapse.