[thejellymill]

Since I moved to the US I only had one best friend. I had two best friends in Pakistan and it seems every best friend I have turns out to be a rotten egg. The first one was in like first grade and she turned out to be one of those pathological liar types...the kid that lies to get attention...ugh. I talk to her sometimes on gchat but it's awkward b/c we have nothing in common and sometimes odd comments are made. The second girl I became good friends with in third grade and around fifth grade she started turning weird and our friendship started getting kind of abusive. I remember yelling at her once for punching me too hard and she was like "yea whatever." Thank God I wasnt around to see how far that would have gone because we moved to the US. I recently found her on facebook and she's a total weirdo...1000 piercings, smokes, drinks etc etc..basically a hippy/emo/druggie . The third best friend was here in the US and we met in eighth grade. She slowly got involved in more and more drama and became meaner and meaner until finally she had a huge fight with her stepmom (and a girl at school), left in the middle of the night to go to her mom's place in another city and never contacted me ever again even though I called her a ton of times.

I just dont have good experiences with best friends and I've always been the type who prefers a small amount of good friends (quality, not quantity) so I'm not a super social person anyway. I find it hard to make friends a lot of times. Sometimes I find that the girls here in MSA form "cliques" and act really...I dont want to say outright snobbish so...distant? cold? In their own world? So I dont have too many Muslim friends around here, maybe like 3 or 4 and the rest are non-Muslims of all types. Plus I tend to act like a total random retarded goofball and I think people dont react well to that...I like to be around people who are like me. So really the out-there-crazy hijabis who curse and talk about hot guys aren't my type and neither are the uber-religious kind. I don't think I fit in usually but oh well...it doesnt bother me as much anymore.

Oh, and I also find it to be MUCH easier to be friends with guys but being Muslim (and now married) it's not as easy. I remember when I was little I used to like boys more than girls (while other girls were running away from the boys). I wasnt a tomboy and I didnt want to be a boy or anything...I dunno what it was, I just liked hanging out with boys for whatever reason.