Originally Posted by raatkirani2005
This is where the whole problem lies. Living with the parents in the newlywed stage. That's where desis have it backwards!! For goodness sake, why must a newlywed couple live with the rest of the family, if it's not necessary?! It's awkward, to say the least: the girl and guy are barely getting to know each other, starting a physical relationship (which is definitely hard on the girl, if not both of them), the girl's probably scared and nervous starting a new life away from her family, emotions are running high, but for some reason, desis insist that all this be done in the glaring and judgemental eyes of the guy's family. How about this: the newlywed couple live on their own for a couple of years, make their way in the world, get to know each other, AND THEN, they can have the parents live with them or can go to live with the parents. By then, the couple is settled with one another, maybe there's already a baby or plans for one and the wife is established in her homemaking. Honestly, this would solve 99.9% of in-law problems.
I'll give my own example. When I was newlywed, I was taken to Pakistan immediately after the wedding (honeymoon was deferred), and within a year of returning, my MIL came to stay with us. I really resented it a lot. I hated the fact that my newlywed days were spent in my MIL's house and once she came to stay with us, we had plenty of ups and downs as we butted heads over how things were to be done in our apartment. I would take every criticism as a personal attack and she would take every action of my mine as a sign of disrespect (I once cut the okra too big and she didn't speak to me for two days--that's how bad it got). Fast forward eight years---I beg my husband to let me go to Pakistan, and I actually look forward to having my mother in law come and stay with us and we actually have a good relationship. I think it would be great for the kids and for her, and now, I'm far more confident in my homemaking and my relationship with my husband.
Most of us are in our 20's and 30s when we get married, making our parents in their 50's. They don't suddenly become old and crippled the day their son gets married. I think the best inlaws would be understanding of the situation, continue as is, keep busy for a few years, enjoy the peace and, eventually, within a few years, I'm sure the son and daughter in law will take care of them fully and properly. Just because you're child is married doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep active. Give them space initially, and you will reap the rewards later. (Of course, it should be understood by the wife before she enters the marriage that she will one day have to help care for her inlaws)
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