Asslamu Alaikum from INdonesia,
Just want to make a post here from Indonesia (mods feel free to check the ip to verify that i am in indonesia..lol).
Well, I am here and unfortunately i do not have pictures........... BUT........ i have a camcorder and have been recording some footage. INshallah when i get back i will upload some videos in HIGH DEFINTION for you guys to get a glimpse of Indonesia. The roads are wild and its very exotic.. almost like a movie. Scooters cutting in front of cars and a mixture of modern and cultural all packed in one.
Conicendentally it is raining here which kinda matches how i feel inside.
... As I told most of people here that I am visiting a special girl that i met back in California..... things have not been what i had expected. We first met at the airport and we had some small talk. All of our outings have been chaffeured. So maybe we don't have a chance to talk intimately about our feelings or at least mine... but... i asked her last night when we went to a major mall about what her first reaction was when she first saw me.. and said "Nothing." At that point i thought i might have to face reality that feelings we had togethor are no longer existant. I kept quiet during the mall trip and was asked constantly if i was ok.. which i lied that i was. Before we got into a cab to go home, i gave her a ring that i had for her that says "Real Love is Forever" (its an old ring i had when i was teenager that i got from the Crow merchancdise.. i saved it to give it to the girl i first geniunely love). I gave it to her and said "if you still believe in the dream". I went home and slept on my bed and pondered many things. I went to bed and woke up the azhan and prayed and went to bed again. After I took care of some bathroom stuff, i got a call from her this morning. She asked if i was ok. I said maybe. We had some small talk and talked about some plans for the week. I then muscled up the courage to say .. "Khadijah, do you still believe in the dream?". Her response was.. "Well, Tuan..it is like this.. i told you that we all have our destiny from Allah. " I asked, "Has your feelings for me changed." and she replied, that it has. I kept quiet and just quickly said, I do not want to talk and hung up. I cried for a half hour and tried to reason the whole situation, like is God punishing me for something i did in the past or something. I could not stop crying, even as i type this i am crying right now. I pondered some things more... i had so many thoughts in my head about leaving immediately, wanting to curse Khadijah out, even crazy things like wanting to get hit by a scooter. I am a ****ing mess right now. I wondered if I am not good enough for her and thought about if she was lying to me for so long.
[i will post more i need to stop crying]