Dear Islamica,

If you can’t hear it, does it still break it?

– “Silent But Deadly” Samir

Response: Well, Samir, you pose a rather interesting question. In fact, I myself have slipped into hours of deep […]

Salams, Islamica.

I know it’s Sunnah to grow a beard, but I can only seem to grow a mustache. What’s a girl to do?

– Hairy Huma

Response: Although I applaud your efforts at achieving follicular Sunnah, […]

BRIDGEVIEW, IL – In its growing paranoia of domestically funded international terrorism, the FBI announced a systematic crackdown of a chain of Arab-owned lemonade stands.

The lemonade stands, operated under […]

LOS ANGELES, CA – “They’re like cockroaches, I tell you!” exclaims Dr. Sikandar Ahmed at an annual Muslim American Medical Association (MAMA) convention in Los Angeles. “These computer guys are ruining […]

NEW YORK, NY – In an expected move to expand into untapped markets, cosmetic manufacturer Revlon unveiled its first entry into the Islamic fashion scene. Dubbed ‘The Clear Alternative’, the clear-plastic hijab is […]

YOMAMA, Khabsistan – In what seems to be a habitual pattern of souring international relations, Prime Minister Iftikhar Boutros Gilani of the self-declared nation of Khabsistan announced yet another severing of […]

FOREST PARK, IL – Seemingly living under a rock for his entire life, Yasir Iman, a Forest Park native, still believes that all forms of marshmallow are halal.

“They are!” exclaimed the obviously infuriated […]

BERWYN, IL – Late yesterday afternoon, Convention Marriages, Inc. (CMI) announced the fourth marriage arranged by their matrimonial service. CMI is now ranked as one of the most successful matrimonial services in […]

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Feeling under pressure from the public and parents alike, the boys at Islamica revealed the source for their creative, yet controversial ideas. At a news conference held in a Suburban Chicago […]

JEDDAH, KSA – “Kingdom of Saudi, meet the Magic Kingdom,” announced Disney CEO Michael Eisner at the opening of his empire’s latest theme park in Jeddah.

The park, which had been plagued with various […]

We’re working on a few things here but if you’d like to visit the forums, please go to:

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums

By Preet Wallawallabangbang

How many guys I gotta explain?! I’M NOT ARAB! Look, buddy…some tings are really estarting to pass me off. Hawing the guy say me not talk the English when I AM talk the English is […]

Written By Anonymous 17 Year Old Sister

At first, I was like “Oh my god!” Why do they always do this to me? Weirdo gross brown women have been asking me the same stupid marriage questions since I was like 16. […]

Written By Riaz “Unibrow” Sayeed

Seriously. I’m getting sick of this. My dad is freaking out. My mom can’t sleep and walks around all day crying. Nobody’s interested in my hooking up with my sister.

She’s been […]

REDNECK COUNTY, IL – Nearly seven years have passed since the founding of the Muslim Student Association at Cornopolis Community College in Redneck County, but the student organization is still struggling to find […]

FREMONT, CA – When Mrs. Wilson’s third grade class at Fremont Elementary School arrived at school Monday morning, they and others were greeted by a myriad of squad cars and special task forces for both local and […]

DES MOINES, IA – Something is not quite right at the local college MSA. In a continuing pattern of suspicious trends, members are left with many questions as to what might be transpiring within their beloved […]

BOSTON, MA – After the events that transpired here last week, Ms. Johnsons’ second grade classroom will never be the same.

“We were making cardboard cutouts for the school’s holiday musical when all of a sudden, […]

RICHMOND, VA – For six minutes, the air in Ms. Lambert’s third-grade classroom was filled with the stench of a senseless act of juvenile mischief. Students were caught off guard when young Tahir Asafi released one […]